《Your Horoscope For Today》歌词

[00:00:00] Your Horoscope For Today - Weird Al Yankovic

[00:00:01] Written by：Al Yankovic

[00:00:12] Aquarius

[00:00:12] There's travel in your future when your tongue

[00:00:14] Freezes to the back of a speeding bus

[00:00:17] Fill that void in your pathetic life

[00:00:20] By playing Whack-A-Mole seventeen hours a day

[00:00:22] Pisces

[00:00:23] Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos

[00:00:25] With the Ebola virus

[00:00:27] You are the true Lord of the Dance

[00:00:30] No matter what those idiots at work say

[00:00:32] Aries

[00:00:33] The look on your face will be priceless

[00:00:34] When you find that forty pound watermelon in your colon

[00:00:38] Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf

[00:00:41] Then give a hickey to Meryl Streep

[00:00:43] Taurus

[00:00:43] You will never find true happiness

[00:00:45] What you gonna do cry about it

[00:00:48] The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up

[00:00:50] Do a bunch of stuff and then go back to sleep

[00:00:54] That's your horoscope for today

[00:00:56] Yay yay yay yay yay

[00:00:59] That's your horoscope for today

[00:01:04] That's your horoscope for today

[00:01:07] Yay yay yay yay yay

[00:01:09] That's your horoscope for today

[00:01:13] Gemini

[00:01:14] Your birthday party will be ruined once again

[00:01:17] By your explosive flatulence

[00:01:19] Your love life will run into trouble

[00:01:21] When your fiance hurls a javelin through your chest

[00:01:24] Cancer

[00:01:24] The position of jupiter says that you should spend

[00:01:26] The rest of the week face down in the mud

[00:01:29] Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose

[00:01:32] While taking your driver's test

[00:01:34] Leo

[00:01:34] Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt

[00:01:37] And staple it to your boss's face oh no

[00:01:40] Eat a bucket of tuna flavored pudding

[00:01:41] Then wash it down with a gallon of Strawberry Quik

[00:01:44] Virgo

[00:01:45] All virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent

[00:01:49] Except for you

[00:01:50] Expect a big surprise today

[00:01:52] When you wind up with your head impaled upon a stick

[00:01:55] That's your horoscope for today

[00:01:58] Yay yay yay yay yay

[00:02:00] That's your horoscope for today

[00:02:06] That's your horoscope for today

[00:02:09] Yay yay yay yay yay

[00:02:11] That's your horoscope for today

[00:02:15] Now you may find it inconceivable

[00:02:17] Or at the very least a bit unlikely

[00:02:19] That the relative position of the planets

[00:02:21] And the stars could have a special deep significance

[00:02:22] Or meaning that exclusively applies to only you

[00:02:25] But let me give you my assurance

[00:02:26] That these forecasts and predictions

[00:02:28] Are all based on solid scientific documented evidence

[00:02:30] So you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize

[00:02:33] That every single one of them is absolutely true

[00:02:35] Where was I

[00:02:36] Libra

[00:02:36] A big promotion is just around the corner

[00:02:39] For someone much more talented than you

[00:02:41] Laughter is the very best medicine

[00:02:43] Remember that when your appendix bursts next week

[00:02:46] Scorpio

[00:02:47] Get ready for an unexpected trip

[00:02:49] When you fall screaming from an open window

[00:02:51] Work a little bit harder on improving your low self esteem

[00:02:55] You stupid freak

[00:02:56] Sagittarius

[00:02:57] All your friends are laughing behind your back

[00:03:01] Kill them

[00:03:02] Take down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine

[00:03:05] You've got hanging in your den

[00:03:07] Capricorn

[00:03:07] The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person

[00:03:11] But you know they're lying

[00:03:12] If I were you I'd lock my doors and windows

[00:03:14] And never never never never never leave my house again

[00:03:18] That's your horoscope for today

[00:03:21] Yay yay yay yay yay

[00:03:23] That's your horoscope for today

[00:03:28] That's your horoscope for today

[00:03:31] Yay yay yay yay yay

[00:03:33] That's your horoscope for today

[00:03:38] That's your horoscope for today

[00:03:41] Yay yay yay yay yay

[00:03:43] That's your horoscope for today

[00:03:48] That's your horoscope for today

[00:03:52] Yay yay yay yay yay

[00:03:54] That's your horoscope for today