《A Wild and Crazy Guy (Album Version)》歌词

[00:07:01] 作词 : Steve Martin

[00:07:01] 作曲 : Steve Martin

[00:07:01] By the way, it's a new law. Now I have to do this. I don't like to,

[00:07:01] but it is by law all comedians must make a financial disclosure during the show or at some point,

[00:07:01] so I have to do this. Comedian's financial disclosure.

[00:07:01] In accordance with the unilateral code established by Steve Martin on this day,

[00:07:01] This closure is presented oka a lot of percentages,

[00:07:01] manager and agent 30 to 35 percent, road expenses usually 10 to 20 percent.

[00:07:01] Development of new material, 0.01 percent.

[00:07:01] And I've written that all up in a little pie graph here.

[00:07:01] Then over here I have a rubber chicken graph.

[00:07:01] Then I figured out potential concert income.

[00:07:01] If you fill a 3 thousand seat hall at three dollars per ticket, the gross is 9 thousand dollars.

[00:07:01] If you fill a 3 thousand C tall at 7.50 per ticket,

[00:07:01] the gross is 22500 dollars.

[00:07:01] And just for fun, I figure out if you fill a 3 thousand seat ha at 800 dollars.

[00:07:01] gross is two million 400 thousand dollars and this is what I'm shooting for.

[00:07:01] One show. Goodbye.

[00:07:01] For me?

[00:07:01] All right,

[00:07:01] Hi, Crime Stoppers!

[00:07:01] Usually we say Hi, Steve. one more time,

[00:07:01] Hi, Crime Stoppers!

[00:07:01] Hi Steve!

[00:07:01] Good! Let's repeat the Crime Stoppers oath.

[00:07:01] I promise not to bully my friends.

[00:07:01] I promise not to bully my friends.

[00:07:01] I promise not to leave my keys in the car.

[00:07:01] I promise not to leave my keys in the car.

[00:07:01] I promise not to depreciate non-taxable items brought forth in the previous tax year.

[00:07:01] Good! and now,

[00:07:01] let's repeat the nonconformist oath.

[00:07:01] I promise to be different.

[00:07:01] I promise to be different.

[00:07:01] I promise to be unique.

[00:07:01] I promise to be unique.

[00:07:01] I promise not to repeat things other people say!

[00:07:01] I promise not to repeat things other people say!

[00:07:01] Good!

[00:07:01] okay, have a new single out King Tut.

[00:07:01] whoa wow well,

[00:07:01] as King Tut would say, "Mucho Dinero".

[00:07:01] Probably the only reason I mention it.

[00:07:01] First of all, a lot of people do ask me if that's my natural voice on the record you did.

[00:07:01] We augment it with echo and all those studio tricks

[00:07:01] and we did not...That's my absolutely real voice.

[00:07:01] And well I'll prove it to you right now.

[00:07:01] Here we go,

[00:07:01] sorry, I just lost my mind just for a moment.

[00:07:01] But that's okay for me

[00:07:01] because I am a wild and crazy guy.

[00:07:01] Men have people come to me and they say Steve,

[00:07:01] how can you be such a swinging sex God?

[00:07:01] I'll tell you it's not because I can make love up to one time each night.

[00:07:01] It's not because I said things that woman wants to hear like

[00:07:01] are you through yet?

[00:07:01] It's because I know how to read a woman.

[00:07:01] If she is like a cat.

[00:07:01] I have [

[00:07:01] If she is like a dog,

[00:07:01] we do it on the paper.

[00:07:01] But I'm also a unique guy too.

[00:07:01] The kind of guy who looks to have his own special smell,

[00:07:01] not to smell like every other guy.

[00:07:01] I like to have my own individual odor.

[00:07:01] That's why I wear tuna fish sandwich.

[00:07:01] I put a tuna fish sandwich under each arm,

[00:07:01] maybe one or two behind the ears.

[00:07:01] I don't smell like any other guy.

[00:07:01] And it's economical too,

[00:07:01] because the smell lasts for four or five days.

[00:07:01] Okay.