《The End of the News》歌词

[00:00:00] The End of the News - Charles K. L. Davis

[00:00:06] We are told very loudly and often

[00:00:09] To lift up our hearts,

[00:00:13] We are told that good humour will soften

[00:00:16] Fate's cruelest darts

[00:00:20] So however bad our domestic troubles may be

[00:00:26] We just shake with amusement and sing with glee.

[00:00:36] Heigho, Mum's had those pains again,

[00:00:40] Granny's in bed with her varicose veins again,

[00:00:44] Everyone's gay because dear cousin Florrie

[00:00:49] Was run down on Saturday night by a lorry,

[00:00:55] We're so glad, Elsie's means candy

[00:01:03] When Albert fell down all

[00:01:05] The steps of the Town Hall

[00:01:08] He got three bad cuts and a bruise.

[00:01:13] We're delighted

[00:01:15] To be able to say

[00:01:17] We're unable to pay

[00:01:19] Off our debts,

[00:01:21] We're excited

[00:01:22] Because Percy's got mange

[00:01:27] And we've run up a bill at the vet's.

[00:01:32] Three cheers!

[00:01:34] Ernie's got boils again,

[00:01:37] Everything's covered in ointment and oils again,

[00:01:41] Now he's had seven

[00:01:43] So God's in his heaven

[00:01:45] And that is the end of the news.

[00:01:50] Heigho, everything's fearful,

[00:01:54] We do wish that Vi was a little more cheerful,

[00:01:59] The only result of her last operation

[00:02:04] Has been gales of wind at the least provocation.

[00:02:12] Now don't laugh, poor Mrs Mason

[00:02:15] Was washing some smalls in the lavatory basin

[00:02:19] When that old corroded

[00:02:21] Gas heater exploded

[00:02:24] And blew her smack into the news.

[00:02:29] We're in clover,

[00:02:32] Uncle George is in clink

[00:02:34] For refusing to work for the war,

[00:02:37] Now it's over

[00:02:39] Auntie Maud seems to think

[00:02:43] He'll be far better placed than before.

[00:02:52] What fun dear little Sidney.

[00:02:56] Produced a spectacular stone in his kidney,

[00:03:01] He's had eleven

[00:03:03] So god's in his heaven

[00:03:05] And that is the end of the news.

[00:03:11] Heigho, what a catastrophe,

[00:03:15] Grandfather's brain is beginning to atrophy,

[00:03:20] Last sunday night after eating an apple

[00:03:25] He made a rude noise in the Methodist chapel.

[00:03:32] Good egg!

[00:03:33] Dear little doris

[00:03:35] Has just been expelled for assaulting Miss Morris.

[00:03:40] Both of her sisters

[00:03:41] Are covered in blisters

[00:03:44] From standing about in the queues.

[00:03:48] We've been done in

[00:03:51] By that mortgage foreclosure

[00:03:53] And Father went out on a blind,

[00:03:57] He got run in

[00:04:00] For indecent exposure

[00:04:04] And ever so heavily fined.

[00:04:10] Heigho hi diddle diddle,

[00:04:14] Aunt Isabel's shingles have met in the middle,

[00:04:19] She's buried in Devon

[00:04:22] So god's in his heaven

[00:04:24] And that is the end of the news