《Cheese Shop (The Final Rip Off Remix)》歌词

[00:00:00] The scene：

[00:00:00] An edwardian style shop which carries the signs：

[00:00:01] 'Ye olde cheese emporium'

[00:00:01] 'Henry wensleydale purveyor of fine cheese to the gentry and the poverty stricken too'

[00:00:02] 'Licensed for public dancing'

[00:00:03] Two men dressed as city gents are greek dancing in the corner to the music of a bouzouki

[00:00:06] Mousebender enters

[00:00:08] Mousebender：

[00:00:08] Good morning

[00:00:08] Wensleydale：

[00:00:08] Good morning sir

[00:00:09] Welcome to the national cheese emporium

[00:00:11] Mousebender：

[00:00:11] Ah thank you my good man

[00:00:12] Wensleydale：

[00:00:13] What can I do for you sir

[00:00:13] Mousebender：

[00:00:14] Well I was uh sitting in the public library on thurmond street just now skimming through rogue herries by hugh walpole and I suddenly came over all peckish

[00:00:21] Wensleydale：

[00:00:21] Peckish sir

[00:00:22] Mousebender：

[00:00:22] Esurient

[00:00:22] Wensleydale：

[00:00:22] Eh

[00:00:22] Mousebender：

[00:00:22] In a broad yorkshire accent

[00:00:25] Eee I were all hungry like

[00:00:27] Wensleydale：

[00:00:27] Ah hungry

[00:00:28] Mousebender：

[00:00:28] In a nutshell

[00:00:28] And I thought to myself 'a little fermented curd will do the trick'

[00:00:31] So I curtailed my walpoling activites sallied forth and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some cheesy comestibles

[00:00:39] Wensleydale：

[00:00:39] Come again

[00:00:40] Mousebender：

[00:00:41] I want to buy some cheese

[00:00:42] Wensleydale：

[00:00:42] Oh I thought you were complaining about the bouzouki player

[00:00:44] Mousebender：

[00:00:45] Oh heaven forbid

[00:00:46] I am one who delights in all manifestations of the terpsichorean muse

[00:00:49] Wensleydale：

[00:00:50] Sorry

[00:00:50] Mousebender：

[00:00:50] In a broad yorkshire accent

[00:00:51] Ooo I like a nice tune you're forced to

[00:00:54] Wensleydale：

[00:00:54] So he can go on playing can he

[00:00:55] Mousebender：

[00:00:55] Most certainly

[00:00:57] Now then some cheese please my good man

[00:00:59] Wensleydale：

[00:00:59] Certainly sir

[00:00:59] What would you like

[00:01:00] Mousebender：

[00:01:00] Well eh how about a little red leicester

[00:01:03] Wensleydale：

[00:01:03] I'm afraid we're fresh out of red leicester sir

[00:01:05] Mousebender：

[00:01:05] Oh never mind how are you on tilsit

[00:01:07] Wensleydale：

[00:01:07] I'm afraid we never have that at the end of the week sir

[00:01:09] We get it fresh on Monday

[00:01:10] Mousebender：

[00:01:10] Tish tish

[00:01:11] No matter

[00:01:12] Well stout yeoman four ounces of caerphilly if you please

[00:01:15] Wensleydale：

[00:01:15] Ah

[00:01:15] It's been on order sir for two weeks

[00:01:17] I was expecting it this morning

[00:01:18] Mousebender：

[00:01:18] It's not my lucky day is it

[00:01:20] Er bel paese

[00:01:21] Wensleydale：

[00:01:21] Sorry sir

[00:01:22] Mousebender：

[00:01:22] Red windsor

[00:01:22] Wensleydale：

[00:01:22] Normally sir yes

[00:01:24] Today the van broke down

[00:01:25] Mousebender：

[00:01:25] Ah

[00:01:26] Stilton

[00:01:26] Wensleydale：

[00:01:26] Sorry

[00:01:27] Mousebender：

[00:01:27] Emmental

[00:01:28] Gruyre

[00:01:28] Wensleydale：

[00:01:28] No

[00:01:28] Mousebender：

[00:01:29] Any norwegian jarlsberger per chance

[00:01:30] Wensleydale：

[00:01:31] No

[00:01:31] Mousebender：

[00:01:32] Liptauer

[00:01:32] Wensleydale：

[00:01:32] No

[00:01:32] Mousebender：

[00:01:33] Lancashire

[00:01:33] Wensleydale：

[00:01:33] No

[00:01:34] Mousebender：

[00:01:34] White stilton

[00:01:34] Wensleydale：

[00:01:34] No

[00:01:35] Mousebender：

[00:01:35] Danish blue

[00:01:36] Wensleydale：

[00:01:36] No

[00:01:36] Mousebender：

[00:01:36] Double gloucester

[00:01:38] Wensleydale：

[00:01:38] No

[00:01:39] Mousebender：

[00:01:39] Cheshire

[00:01:39] Wensleydale：

[00:01:39] No

[00:01:39] Mousebender：

[00:01:39] Dorset blue vinney

[00:01:40] Wensleydale：

[00:01:40] No

[00:01:41] Mousebender：

[00:01:41] Brie roquefort pont l'vque port salut savoyard saint paulin carre de l'est bresse bleu boursin

[00:01:46] Wensleydale：

[00:01:46] No

[00:01:47] Mousebender：

[00:01:49] Camembert perhaps

[00:01:50] Wensleydale：

[00:01:50] Ah we have camembert yes sir

[00:01:51] Mousebender：

[00:01:51] You do excellent

[00:01:53] Wensleydale：

[00:01:53] Yes sir

[00:01:53] It's ah

[00:01:53] It's a bit runny

[00:01:55] Mousebender：

[00:01:55] Oh I like it runny

[00:01:57] Wensleydale：

[00:01:57] Well it's very runny actually sir

[00:01:58] Mousebender：

[00:01:58] No matter

[00:01:59] Fetch hither le fromage de la belle france m mmm

[00:02:02] Wensleydale：

[00:02:02] I think it's a bit runnier than you'll like it sir

[00:02:04] Mousebender：

[00:02:05] I don't care how f**king runny it is

[00:02:06] Hand it over with all speed

[00:02:08] Wensleydale：

[00:02:08] Oh

[00:02:10] Mousebender：

[00:02:10] What now

[00:02:11] Wensleydale：

[00:02:11] The cat's eaten it

[00:02:11] Mousebender：

[00:02:11] Has he

[00:02:14] Wensleydale：

[00:02:14] She sir

[00:02:14] Pause

[00:02:14] Mousebender：

[00:02:16] Gouda

[00:02:16] Wensleydale：

[00:02:16] No

[00:02:17] Mousebender：

[00:02:17] Edam

[00:02:17] Wensleydale：

[00:02:17] No

[00:02:18] Mousebender：

[00:02:18] Caithness

[00:02:18] Wensleydale：

[00:02:18] No

[00:02:18] Mousebender：

[00:02:18] Smoked austrian

[00:02:19] Wensleydale：

[00:02:19] No

[00:02:20] Mousebender：

[00:02:20] Japanese sage darby

[00:02:22] Wensleydale：

[00:02:22] No sir

[00:02:23] Mousebender：

[00:02:23] You do have some cheese do you

[00:02:25] Wensleydale：

[00:02:25] Of course sir

[00:02:25] It's a cheese shop sir

[00:02:26] We've got

[00:02:26] Mousebender：

[00:02:27] No no don't tell me

[00:02:28] I'm keen to guess

[00:02:29] Wensleydale：

[00:02:30] Fair enough

[00:02:30] Mousebender：

[00:02:30] Er wensleydale

[00:02:30] Wensleydale：

[00:02:30] Yes

[00:02:31] Mousebender：

[00:02:31] Ah well I'll have some of that

[00:02:33] Wensleydale：

[00:02:33] Oh I thought you were talking to me sir

[00:02:35] Mr wensleydale that's my name

[00:02:36] Pause

[00:02:36] Mousebender：

[00:02:38] Greek feta

[00:02:39] Wensleydale：

[00:02:39] Ah not as such

[00:02:42] Mousebender：

[00:02:42] Er gorgonzola

[00:02:42] Wensleydale：

[00:02:42] No

[00:02:43] Mousebender：

[00:02:43] Parmesan

[00:02:43] Wensleydale：

[00:02:43] No

[00:02:44] Mousebender：

[00:02:44] Mozzarella

[00:02:44] Wensleydale：

[00:02:44] No

[00:02:44] Mousebender：

[00:02:44] Pippo crme

[00:02:45] Wensleydale：

[00:02:45] No

[00:02:45] Mousebender：

[00:02:45] Danish fimboe

[00:02:46] Wensleydale：

[00:02:46] No

[00:02:46] Mousebender：

[00:02:47] Czech sheep's milk

[00:02:47] Wensleydale：

[00:02:47] No

[00:02:48] Mousebender：

[00:02:48] Venezuelan beaver cheese

[00:02:50] Wensleydale：

[00:02:50] Not today sir no

[00:02:50] Pause

[00:02:52] Mousebender：

[00:02:52] Ah how about cheddar

[00:02:53] Wensleydale：

[00:02:54] Well we don't get much call for it around here sir

[00:02:56] Mousebender：

[00:02:56] Not much ca it's the single most popular cheese in the world

[00:02:59] Wensleydale：

[00:02:59] Not round here sir

[00:03:01] Mousebender：

[00:03:01] And what is the most popular cheese round here

[00:03:04] Wensleydale：

[00:03:04] Ilchester sir

[00:03:04] Mousebender：

[00:03:05] Is it

[00:03:06] Wensleydale：

[00:03:06] Oh yes sir

[00:03:06] It's staggeringly popular in this manor squire

[00:03:08] Mousebender：

[00:03:09] Is it

[00:03:09] Wensleydale：

[00:03:09] It's our number one best seller sir

[00:03:10] Mousebender：

[00:03:11] I see

[00:03:11] Ah ilchester eh

[00:03:12] Wensleydale：

[00:03:12] Right sir

[00:03:13] Mousebender：

[00:03:13] All right

[00:03:14] Okay

[00:03:16] Have you got any he asked expecting the answer no

[00:03:19] Wensleydale：

[00:03:19] I'll have a look sir

[00:03:20] Nnnnnnooooooooo

[00:03:25] Mousebender：

[00:03:25] It's not much of a cheese shop is it

[00:03:27] Wensleydale：

[00:03:27] Finest in the district sir

[00:03:28] Mousebender：

[00:03:28] Explain the logic underlying that conclusion please

[00:03:30] Wensleydale：

[00:03:31] Well it's so clean sir

[00:03:32] Mousebender：

[00:03:32] It's certainly uncontaminated by cheese

[00:03:34] Wensleydale：

[00:03:34] You haven't asked me about limberger sir

[00:03:36] Mousebender：

[00:03:36] Is it worth it

[00:03:37] Wensleydale：

[00:03:38] Could be

[00:03:38] Mousebender：

[00:03:38] Have you shut that bloody bouzouki up

[00:03:39] Wensleydale：

[00:03:40] To dancers

[00:03:41] Told you so

[00:03:41] Mousebender：

[00:03:41] Have you got any limburger

[00:03:42] Wensleydale：

[00:03:43] No

[00:03:43] Mousebender：

[00:03:43] That figures

[00:03:45] Predictable really I suppose

[00:03:46] It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place

[00:03:50] Tell me：

[00:03:50] Wensleydale：

[00:03:50] Yes sir

[00:03:51] Mousebender：

[00:03:51] Have you in fact got any cheese here at all

[00:03:54] Wensleydale：

[00:03:54] Yes sir

[00:03:55] Mousebender：

[00:03:55] Really

[00:03:56] Pause

[00:03:56] Wensleydale：

[00:03:56] No

[00:03:57] Not really sir

[00:03:58] Mousebender：

[00:03:58] You haven't

[00:03:58] Wensleydale：

[00:03:58] No sir not a scrap

[00:03:59] I was deliberately wasting your time sir

[00:04:01] Mousebender：

[00:04:01] Well I'm sorry but I'm going to have to shoot you

[00:04:03] Wensleydale：

[00:04:03] Right o sir

[00:04:07] Mousebender：

[00:04:07] Shoots him

[00:04:08] What a senseless waste of human life