《The Want Ad》歌词

[00:00:00] The Want Ad - Pandora'S Box (潘特拉的盒子)

[00:00:01] This is addressed to all the people who answered or may be thinking of answering

[00:00:04] The personal ad I placed in volume 2

[00:00:06] Number 15 of this newspaper two weeks ago Friday

[00:00:10] First my apologies to the huge bartender with the voice

[00:00:14] And the light hearted dark skinned advertising man

[00:00:16] If either of you had called me back

[00:00:18] I might not be writing this retraction of my ad

[00:00:20] Even though I will soon be too busy to date much

[00:00:22] But why didn't you call back

[00:00:26] But to the others

[00:00:27] Which include the two terrifying sisters

[00:00:30] The under 18's and the over 60's

[00:00:32] The numerous ones who dialed my number

[00:00:34] And hung up as soon as I said hello

[00:00:36] The 35 or 40 of you who made dates with me and never showed up

[00:00:39] Including the one who complained his body was so powerful he couldn't control it anymore

[00:00:43] The desperate wife seekers the already married

[00:00:46] The one who was so one sided that he could think of nothing but sex

[00:00:49] And then have the gall to ask me

[00:00:51] If his nationality was the reason I wouldn't sleep with him

[00:00:54] The many who couldn't get it up

[00:00:55] When I was agreeable and the many who could and did when I was not

[00:00:58] The pleasant young foreigner who turned out to be the private

[00:01:01] Property of his gigantic girlfriend

[00:01:03] The ones who were so grotesque in their appearance

[00:01:06] That I couldn't possibly get past their faces to even consider a relationship with them

[00:01:10] Especially sexual

[00:01:12] The sharks and the geeks and the sadists

[00:01:14] The latter category which I had specifically stated I didn't want

[00:01:18] And the ones who wanted endless dirty talk

[00:01:20] The ones who wanted to be punished

[00:01:22] The ones who could only boast about the size of their

[00:01:24] Bank rolls and or their equipment

[00:01:26] And this definitely includes the teacher who said

[00:01:29] All the kids want my stuff

[00:01:31] The businessman who had an adjective for every letter

[00:01:33] Of his last name r is for rich

[00:01:36] The ones and there were many who said

[00:01:37] My name is so and so and so how far do you go

[00:01:41] The 300 pound lady judge who screamed abuse at me

[00:01:44] The transvestite who wanted me to support him

[00:01:46] The numerous young studs who had nothing to offer

[00:01:49] Besides the negative results of their godd**n blood tests

[00:01:53] The diminutive actor and the other short ones

[00:01:55] The astronomer who cried like a baby

[00:01:57] And said he'd been betrayed by every star he ever knew

[00:02:00] The fanatic priest who wanted me to confess

[00:02:02] To things I'd never even dreamed of

[00:02:04] The worn out soldiers the burned out poets

[00:02:06] The pumped up jocks and the used up kids

[00:02:08] The racists including the one at whose place I left my white sweater

[00:02:12] And I'd rather cut off my right thumb than go back for it

[00:02:15] The drunks junkies crack and coke heads the multitude of liars

[00:02:19] And especially the nice ones who never called back

[00:02:22] To all of you I say

[00:02:23] Just forget my phone number

[00:02:25] I don't need all the hassles

[00:02:30] I'll be starting school next month and I just don't want to be bothered

[00:02:34] Don't hold your breath any of you

[00:02:36] Sincerely

[00:02:37] The underweight platinum blonde

[00:02:40] Have a nice day