《Good Advice(LP版)》歌词

[00:00:01] Good Advice - Allan Sherman
[00:00:10] I know a man named Otis who invented a room
[00:00:14] And his heart was filled with pride
[00:00:17] I said to Mr Otis "What does your room do "
[00:00:21] He said "It goes from side to side "
[00:00:25] So I said "Mr Otis if you take my advice
[00:00:28] You'll be the richest man in town
[00:00:31] You gotta take that room that goes from side to side
[00:00:35] And make it go up and down "
[00:00:38] And that was good advice good advice
[00:00:43] Good advice costs nothing and it's worth the price
[00:00:46] I sincerely doubt
[00:00:48] That the world could do without
[00:00:49] My good advice
[00:00:57] Sir Isaac Newton came around to my house one day
[00:01:00] His face was all sunburned and red
[00:01:04] He said he didn't want to sleep in the shade of a tree
[00:01:07] Because an apple might fall on his head
[00:01:11] I said "Sir Isaac you dumbbell take my advice
[00:01:15] Go right back there and sleep beneath that tree
[00:01:18] And if you let that rotten apple fall down on your head
[00:01:22] Why you'll discover gravity "
[00:01:26] And that was good advice good advice
[00:01:30] Good advice costs nothing and it's worth the price
[00:01:33] The world's a better place
[00:01:35] Since I gave the human race
[00:01:37] My good advice
[00:01:44] A man named Mr Waterman invented a tube
[00:01:47] He was sad because it sprung a little leak
[00:01:51] He said "Darn it when I hold my tube on a piece of paper
[00:01:55] The ink leaks out and makes a little streak "
[00:01:59] He said "I've gotta find a way to stop that leak
[00:02:02] I'll start working on my leakproof tube again "
[00:02:05] I said "Waterman you idiot don't stop that leak
[00:02:09] You just invented a fountain pen "
[00:02:13] And that was good advice good advice
[00:02:17] Good advice costs nothing and it's worth the price
[00:02:21] I'm so worldly wise
[00:02:22] I should get the Nobel Prize
[00:02:24] For good advice
[00:02:32] Good old Henry Ford he was a hardworking man
[00:02:35] He worked all night and all day
[00:02:38] I said "Henry watcha doing "
[00:02:40] And Henry he said "I'm inventing the Chevrolet "
[00:02:46] He said "I've already built twenty-five models
[00:02:50] One for each letter from A to Z "
[00:02:53] I said "Henry you fool there are twenty-six letters in the alphabet
[00:02:57] He said "Good heavens I forgot the Model T "
[00:03:00] And that was good advice good advice
[00:03:05] Good advice costs nothing and it's worth the price
[00:03:08] It's fruitful as can be
[00:03:10] And it's absolutely free
[00:03:12] My good advice
[00:03:19] Wilbur and Orville were two brothers named Wright
[00:03:22] The nicest pair of kids you've ever seen
[00:03:26] They worked twelve years on a secret project
[00:03:29] They thought it was a washing machine
[00:03:33] I said "Fellas what are all those wings for "
[00:03:37] They said "For hanging clothes out to dry "
[00:03:40] I said "You fools take that washing machine out to Kitty Hawk
[00:03:44] And see if the darn thing all fly "
[00:03:48] And that was good advice good advice
[00:03:52] Good advice costs nothing and it's worth the price
[00:03:56] I'm so smart that I'm
[00:03:57] Gonna win a Guggenheim
[00:03:59] For good advice
[00:04:10] (One more time)
[00:04:23] Benjamin Franklin was a charming old man
[00:04:26] He was always flying his kite
[00:04:30] One night I said "Benjy why ain't you out with your kite "
[00:04:34] He said "Because it's raining tonight "
[00:04:37] I said "Benjy sweety you go right back out there
[00:04:41] And to your kite string tie a key
[00:04:44] This may shock you Benjy my boy
[00:04:48] But that's electricity "
[00:04:52] And that was good advice good advice
[00:04:56] Good advice costs nothing and it's worth the price
[00:05:00] I'll be fond of you
[00:05:01] If you'll only listen to
[00:05:03] My good advice
[00:05:11] Ooga Magoog was a Neanderthal man
[00:05:14] A very poorly educated soul
[00:05:18] He had a great big square thing made of solid stone
[00:05:22] And in the middle of it was a hole
[00:05:25] One day he had to go from his cave in Natchez
[00:05:29] To his uncle's cave in Mobile
[00:05:32] I said "Round off those corners
[00:05:35] And buy a set of tires
[00:05:37] And Ooky baby that's a wheel "
[00:05:41] And that was good advice good advice
[00:05:44] Good advice costs nothing and it's worth the price
[00:05:48] Harvard offered me
[00:05:49] A Phi Beta Kappa key
[00:05:51] For good advice
[00:05:59] Sigmund Freud he had an unfurnished house
[00:06:02] He was a very nosy fellow so it seems
[00:06:06] He had no chairs
[00:06:07] So he made all his friends stand around all day
[00:06:10] And tell him all their secrets and their dreams
[00:06:13] Well while they stood there talking till they got fallen arches
[00:06:17] They yelled "My feet are killing me Ouch "
[00:06:20] I said "Sigmund don't you realize you've got a gold mine here
[00:06:24] Go out and buy yourself a leather couch "
[00:06:27] And that was good advice good advice
[00:06:32] Good advice costs nothing and it's worth the price
[00:06:36] Every word you're told
[00:06:37] Will be 18 karat gold
[00:06:39] That's good advice
[00:06:47] Alexander Graham Bell was building a fence
[00:06:50] With some wood and a long piece of wire
[00:06:54] He said "There's something strange going on around here
[00:06:57] I keep hearing the voice of Uncle Myer "
[00:07:01] I said "Mr Graham Cracker " (that was my little joke)
[00:07:05] "With that wire you got the world in your palm
[00:07:08] Just get a mouthpiece and an earpiece and a piece in between
[00:07:12] And you'll sponsor The Telephone Hour "
[00:07:17] And that was good advice good advice
[00:07:20] Good advice costs nothing and it's worth the price
[00:07:24] Every word ya hear
[00:07:25] Is the message of the year
[00:07:27] It's good advice
[00:07:35] Christopher Columbus was a seaman second class
[00:07:38] When I told him that the Indies could be found
[00:07:42] By sailing to the West instead of sailing to the East
[00:07:45] I advised him that I thought the world was round
[00:07:48] (I really thought so )
[00:07:49] And then I sent him down to ask good Queen Isabella
[00:07:52] To pawn her jewels for all their worth
[00:07:56] Next day he set sail and as everyone knows
[00:08:00] He fell off the edge of the Earth
[00:08:03] And that was bad advice bad advice
[00:08:08] Bad advice is just the same as good advice
[00:08:11] Everybody makes
[00:08:13] Occasional mistakes
[00:08:15] And that was bad advice
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